recycle, reuse, refinance

Our next door neighbor was throwing out a perfectly good baby play slide, as pictured above, and a baby car. Since we are all about recycling and reusing anything we can, we jumped all over it. It makes me wonder though, do we really need to buy any of this stuff brand new? Surely, enough durable baby products have been produced that we could easily get most things secondhand with little effort and little to no out-of-pocket expense. A look on craigslist baby listing shows a bazillion listings for all things baby-related. And how much of these durable goods go to waste and end up in a landfill every year?

Erin and I try to be buy as many non-perishable items as possible secondhand, usually via the Internet. It saves us money and possibly helps keep the amount of waste down.

That being said, Kai loves his car.

The bottle-to-cup transition is going fairly smoothly. He does get soaked now at milk-time since he can't really latch on to anything, but I think he's getting the hang of it. It looks like he swam in milk when he's done.

My mortgage broker career has officially started. I have hung my license with Village Financial Solutions in beautiful downtown Orlando, and am working on some challenging refinances for my very first client. If I can get these loans to go through, I will be a hero to my client. Apparently, now that the boom has passed, not too many lenders want to loan money to purchase vacant land, much less refinance said vacant land. Wish me luck.

development

Bottles are out, cups are in. Kai is slowly making this transition. And let me tell you that "spill-proof" cups are really only "spill-resistant" which actually means that they only spill a little less than a normal cup. So now Kai has cups as part of his daily routine.

Erin and I were talking today about how Kai is already learning behavior patterns that get results. When he wakes up and wants to be fed he makes a certain noise, and it gets results. Or when he wants attention he makes another noise and we're there for him. As I recognize these patterns, I try and extrapolate them into adult unconscious behavior patterns that we do to get results. Ever notice how some people complain to get attention? Or raise their voice? Some people rebel against their parents, or others try to be smart and helpful? I believe that these are all tactics that we developed as babies to get attention, and they simply mature and evolve over time into patterns and rackets that we repeat as adults.

It's fascinating to watch. I don't know how Kai's behavior patterns will evolve, but I'm sure they're going to be loud.

father's day photos

Photos from my first Father's Day are online - check out Kai's first father's day photos here.

Father's Day

So my first official Father's Day is upon us. It's funny how I used to think of these so-called holidays as useless, commerical fabrications designed to sell cards, flowers, candy, or whatever. But in this stage of my life, I've begun to look at them differently. They may be artificial, commercialized holidays, but they are a great opportunity to recognize and appreciate the people in our lives. Father's Day to me is simply an opportunity to me to realize how great it is to be a father. We just avoid getting caught up in the hysteria of these so-called holidays.

How great is it being a father? It's beyond the capacity of language to describe. For example, now when Kai sits on my shoulders, he leans all the way down next to my face and smiles at me. The look on his face is indescribable. When Isaac had a nasty cut on his face after a basketball game, he came to me and asked me to look at the cut, clean it and bandage it. This was perhaps the most fatherly thing I've done for Isaac yet. The feeling of connection with these boys is so amazing, I really can't begin to describe it. The most profound parts of our lives are often beyond the capacity of words.

So this, my very first Father's Day, I am honoring my son Kai, my step-son Isaac, and my wife Erin for being who they are, and for accepting and loving me as I am. Let the good times roll.

what I've learned...

... dad, bartender

— Thanking me profusely for a job done well does not put money in my pocket or food in Kai's mouth.
— The proper answer to "Hi, how are you?" is not "Scotch and water" or any other drink.
— If that's your answer, I am entitled to respond, "I'm excellent, thanks for asking."
— Yes, I'm a smartass.
— When you go to a bar, understand this: the glass you get your drink in probably holds at least eight ounces. The standard pour of any liquor at most bars is 1.25 ounces. Do not expect me to fill your glass to the rim, and if I do, you will be charged for it.
— Why? The extra tip you may give me tonight will not compensate me for the income I lose when I get fired for liquor costs going out of control.

More snarky bar intelligence to come...

part of the process

With mortgage broker's license in hand, I went and met with the brokers that I'll be working with. Somehow, one of my regular guests has five properties that he wants me to refinance, now. I feel like the dog that finally caught the car — what the hell do I do now? Luckily, the guys I work for, let's call them "M&M" for this blog's sake, are going to walk me through the first few loans I do until I get comfortable with the entire process.

While transitioning Kai to solid food was painless, he has begun to transition himself away from utensils, and prefers to be fed by hand. You can offer him something on a spoon, and he won't take it, but if you offer the same food a second later from your fingers he'll go for it. Not always, but it does make mealtime interesting.

No walking yet, although he saying "mom" and "mama" now, although we think he's just making the sound, not necessarily attaching any meaning to it. Add that to "dad", "dada", "Isaac", "spoon" and "poop." Yes, poop. It's all part of the process.

hope floats

"When you look back on your life, it looks as though it were a plot, but when you are into it, it's a mess: just one surprise after another. Then, later, you see it was perfect."
— Schopenhauer

We haven't had a bunch of people over and a colossal mess to clean up in a while, so we had a pool party and barbecue. Erin and I invited our friends and family over to enjoy some hand-made burgers, factory-made hot dogs, and our wonderfully-refreshing pool. We started planning this event about a month ago, and we originally envisioned it as a small gathering, which was a nice idea. The confirmed guest count quickly climbed to the 20s, about double what we had originally planned. Then Isaac's entire basketball team showed up, and there were more people than our house has ever held. Mind you, Isaac, at around 6 foot tall, is one of the smallest members of his team.

And it was a blast. You couldn't have had a more diverse crowd in one place, ever. Asians, whites, blacks, hispanics, self-tanned, breasts-augmented, gay, straight, kids, teens, and adults alike were all together and enjoying the day. Kai, also known as Mr. I-don't-want-to-take-a-nap-today, loved having all the people around, and he was hamming it up for everyone.

And today, as we clean up yesterday's mess, it's great to remember that at least for one day, people from all different walks of life came together and had a good time. If there is any hope for humanity, it was playing and splashing in my pool yesterday.

license to drive

Four months, two fingerprint cards, and one giant headache later, I am now a licensed mortgage broker in the great state of Florida. Mind you, I took the class and passed the state exam over two months ago, but let's not dwell on that anymore.

Now what the hell do I do? There's no more excuses. All I have to do now is find a place to hang my license and find some clients. Sounds simple enough, right? I think the key is not to overthink it.

Kai loves books. We bought a ton of baby board books (the kind made out of cardboard-like material that babies can't demolish easily) and Kai is seriously addicted to them. He can be crawling the other direction on the other side of the room and if I show him a book and ask him to come read it with me, he'll drop everything and crawl at full-speed at me. It is so amazingly cute.

He is totally cruising on the furniture now, and his drool level is at maximum teething setting. Any day now he'll pop in some new teeth and take off walking. Maybe even on the same day. That would be something else.

I really can't believe how fast time is flying by right now. Kai is progressing so quickly, and life is just a speeding train. I run into people that I knew from my old life, who I haven't seen in years and it's amazing how far I have come and how different my life is now. What will my life look like a year from now? Mortgage broker license in hand, let's take this thing out for a ride and see what I can do with it...

perception

The thing is, reality is perception. What people choose to see is what is real for them. Two people can look at the exact same thing and come up with two completely different conclusions. Take for example, the World Trade Center jet-bombing. In America, we were horrified and moved to tears. In some parts of the Middle East, people were cheering. Over the exact same incident. It happens all the time, this gap in realities. Perception, we can then conclusively say, is reality.

But our perceptions are not real. They are just more interesting than reality. It is so hard to lose our own illusions.

It is quite apparent to me that the reason that my mother does not like my wife is her perception. For as long as I can remember, my mother told me never to marry a woman who has already has a child, or who has been married before. Erin started out with two strikes. To me, Erin was a strong, single mother who raised a child on her own, with absolutely no support from Isaac's father. Isaac's biological father has never even met him. It takes incredible courage and strength to raise a child with two parents, much less one. Whereas I think a single mother deserves a medal, my mother would presumably give the same single mother a scarlet letter.

I've heard many people say that they don't believe in divorce. It's usually because of religious reasons. I definitely believe in divorce. If you do not love someone, why torture yourself? We are on this earth to be happy, not to abide by some made-up rules of society. Divorce is not a handicap in my book, but in my mother's it definitely is.

As the poet John Keats said, "'Beauty is truth, truth beauty,' — that is all ye know on earth, and all ye need to know."

My mother doesn't like Erin because she thinks that Erin is rude and disrespectful. However, she will not even consider that Erin has never intended to be disrespectful. Her preconceived notions will not allow her to see Erin as she is.

Erin is the most loving, considerate, and powerful woman I've ever known. She loves me exactly as I am, and exactly as I'm not. She has called me into being more than I ever was. Kai is lucky to be her son. I am extremely lucky to be her husband. And anyone who gets to know her would consider themselves better off from having known her.

So we go on, into the unknown future. At some point, I dearly hope that the relationship between my family and my mother and father can be resolved. We'll continue to reach out. It's up to them to grab the rope and accept us.

respect

My mother does not like my wife. She never has.

That is the conclusion I have come to after all this time. It seems that no matter what Erin does, somehow she unknowingly disrespects my mother. My mother would have Erin address her in a formal manner (ie. Mrs. Smith) from now on, just so she gets her so-called respect...

On the other hand, Erin and I look at our family as a safe space, a place where we can be comfortable and relaxed, all the while knowing that we all love each other and that we are looking out for one another. A team. A unit. Something more than the sum of its parts.

My mother wants Erin to apologize for what she considers to be rude behavior. Specifically, saying "hey" instead of "hi" or "hello." I say, even if Erin apologizes for that, what's next? This isn't the first time we've had to apologize for something innocent that was misinterpreted by my mother. She'll just find something else to complain about, a few weeks or months down the line.

As a result of this latest flap, my mother hasn't seen Kai in nearly three months. She's missed his first word, his crawling, pulling to a stand, feeding himself with his own hands. She's missed these magical moments over a single word. But it's not really the word, it's the underlying issue that she does not like Erin. It's so obvious to me now.

Well, I say that if it was anyone else in the world that was treating us like this, I'd never speak to them again and would completely shut them out of my life. So why am I supposed to allow her to treat us like this? Because she's my mom? Because she loves me? Someone who truly loved me would never do this.

I told my mother that I want her and my dad to be part of my family and of Kai's life, but they have to accept us exactly how we are, and exactly how we are not. Unconditionally. Am I being unreasonable? Maybe, but this is my family and if I allow her to push us around now, she's going to push for even more later.

Your thoughts?

back in mac

This afternoon, for some reason, I decided to hit the power button on my previously not-working PowerBook. The fact that I'm typing this blog from the previously-not-working PowerBook should speak of the suprising results.

My Mac has been out of commission for two months now. Coming back to it really feels like coming home to me. I've been using Windows XP Professional for the last couple months, and while it gets the job done, I relate to it like a nice hotel room. It's good enough, it's got most of the creature comforts of home, but it's just not the same. I could get work done on the WinXP box that we own, but I'm definitely more at home on my Mac PowerBook.

Now that we're back in business on my Mac, there will be much more frequent photo updates and blog updates. As always, the kai-turner.com link is the best way to get the latest.

Until next time, keep commenting and keeping me interested...

reading and riding

Nothing is more frustrating than a book ending before Kai is ready for it to end. It's funny and maddening at the same time - it's great that he loves looking at books, but when the book is over he wants to start over immediately, or he gets mad. The upset level is almost the same as when he's hungry for a bottle - he can't reopen the books or turn the pages very well and he gets so mad that he's almost impossible to soothe.

Almost.

As it turns out being on my shoulders is will get him to chill out almost immediately, and he begins to instantly use my head as a drumset.

It would appear that pounding on my head is the next best thing to reading books. So be it. I'm all for a happy baby riding on my shoulders and pulling my hair than a crying baby having a meltdown.

BTW, for those of you keeping score, Kai was 29.5 inches tall and 21.3 pounds at his nine-month checkup, a month ago. Yes, we're galloping towards his ten-month mark at full-speed. Time definitely flies when you're having fun.