happy birthday erin

To the woman who calls me to be, keeps me true to my word, and loves me through and through: happy birthday Erin. Amazingly enough, I don't know if I have the words to describe how great Erin is right now. Erin is: pure, unbridled motherhood; endearing compassion; all-encompassing love; and relentless beauty.

Due to circumstances beyond our control, she and I have not ever been able to celebrate her birthday properly. Last year she was in serious pre-labor pain and conked out on Tylenol PM. The year before that I was in Phoenix on business. And the year before that we weren't really anything. So we are celebrating in style this year. A four-course wine dinner, hanging out downtown, and staying at the ever-so-lovely eo inn for a night.

Grandma Marsha will be hanging out with Kai for the night. We are both looking forward to one night together, and sleeping in together for once. It really is the little things that make all the difference.

presence

So we're rapidly approaching the one year mark, as you can see by the countdown timer in the right-hand column. Unless of course, your web browser does not support or permit JavaScript. At any rate, we are days away from the first year being over.

I was reminded of Kai's amazing presence whilst having a drink after work with Angie, one of my fellow bartenders. She asked me to describe the ceiling of the bar we were in, without looking up. This is significant because Kai, and most babies of his age, will almost always look around at his entire surroundings, not just what's at eye level. It seems that as we grow older, we begin to make all kinds of assumptions about how things will be, and we don't bother to investigate them any further than necessary. However to a baby, everything is worth looking at.

I constantly find situations where I am all too ready to assume that I know everything that is necessary. I have to remind myself over and over to let things be and to learn what there is to learn.

In addition to Kai's first birthday approaching, Erin's birthday is also approaching. She celebrates her birthday on the 31st of July, a mere two days before Kai. I'm living with a pack of lions. Since Erin's birthday last year was spent in pre-labor pain at home, we are going to celebrate in style this year. I'll fill you in on the festivities after they happen.

walk it out

Kai has been walking with our assistance for a couple weeks now. Today, to our surprise, he began walking with his little baby cart. He even redirected himself upon hitting an obstacle, and began to turn corners. We were truly amazed. Will he walk before his first birthday? Probably not, but the day of mobility is coming...

what I've learned...

...by dad, bartender, mortgage broker, life coach...

- Hot tea is unfit for consumption in a bar.
- A Mai Tai, Planter's Punch, or Rum Runner at anything other than a tropically-themed bar are all the same drink.
- That is to say, we make it pink and sell it.
- Cheap Italian pinot grigio is to wine what Natural Light is to beer.
- Ordering a mojito absolutely screams "high maintenance."
- Don't step up to the bar until you're ready to order.
- If you do step up to the bar and you're not ready to order, it may be 10 minutes before I come back to you.
- I'm sorry that your food is taking too long, but as you can see, I'm not the one cooking it.
- Take a sip of your drink and relax. Isn't that the point of you being here?

good tippers

In case you missed the story on CNN.com, a young waitress in Indiana working at a Pizza Hut got a $10,000 tip from a family of her regulars who wanted to help her stay in school. That's awesome. It's inspiring to hear such stories of pure generosity and love — it would be nice to hear them all of the time, instead of the typical crap that sucks your will to live.

vital statistics

We are fast approaching Kai's first birthday so I thought it would be nice to have a current synopsis of Kai's vitals.

- Birthday: August 2, 2006
- Height: about 30 inches
- Weight: about 24 pounds
- Number of teeth: 2 (bottom front)
- Eye color: hazel
- Hair: brown
- Mobility: proficient crawler, cruiser, no walking or unassisted standing yet
- Diaper size: 4
- Shoes: none
- Intelligible words said so far: daddy, mum, spoon, poop, dada
- Favorite foods: chicken, beef, sweet potato, cottage cheese, spinach
- Hand signs he understands: airplane, milk, ball

So there you have it. If I've left out any details, I'm sure someone will remind me.

things I won't be buying for kai

I literally laughed out loud when I saw this commercial on TV today. "Now you can fish anytime, anywhere with the amazing FishPen!!!"

In other news, Kai has officially graduated to a big-boy car seat. We even went to one of the car-seat safety checkpoints sponsored by the sheriff's office. He's only ridden in it once, but he gave his seal of approval by falling soundly asleep in it.

Kai woke up screaming aloud at 4:30am last night. It seemed like a dream to me — he hasn't done that in ages. We think that he was in pain from teething. His top two teeth are going to come in any day now.

My first mortgage lead has pretty much tanked due to my client's one late mortgage payment. At least I crossed that bridge early... On to the next one.

tattoo all I see

I figured it out. Last week, I had several stressful, angry dreams involving my mother. The anger was starting to spill over from my subconscious to my conscious life, and affect my mood. I was not happy.

On Thursday, while I was driving to Lakeland with Marsha, my mother-in-law, and Kai to watch Isaac's basketball tournament, we talked about my anger. Marsha suggested that perhaps my anger existed in the space between my expectations of how my mother should act and how she was acting, which was hiding in plain sight to me. But that involves the elusive concept of "should" into the relationship, the idea that I know what is "right."

The concept of "should" is interesting and ironic. "Should" exists in a world of right and wrong, an imaginary world where I know what is right, and perhaps you do not, so I feel the need to tell you what to do, and if you don't do it, I will be personally offended. This sounds a lot like why my mother does not like my wife. Because of "should."

Marsha helped re-presence me with reality. Things are well. Kai is doing great and rapidly closing in on the one-year mark. Isaac is doing great with his basketball career. Erin loves me and our relationship is amazing. The most important parts of life are firing on all cylinders. It's amazing how easy it is to let the little things cloud our view. To paraphrase Pearl Jam's amazing song "Black" - "all the love gone bad, turned my world to black, tattooed all that I see, all that I am, all that I'll be." It was hard to see the beauty of my life through the haze. Thanks to Marsha for helping me clear my head.