party time
Kai's first birthday party is upon us. While his birthday was officially Thursday morning, we are celebrating in style today (Sunday). Both sets of Erin's parents are coming over, and none of my still-refusing-to-accept-reality parents are coming over. We are expecting up to 20 people tomorrow — and I'm cooking for all of them.
And, on a serious note, if you are one of my parents and you are reading this, Erin, Kai and I would all like you to be part of our family. All that we ask is that you accept us as exactly as we are, and exactly as we are not. I'm sorry for all of the frustration and anger that has come up between us, and I'm willing to let the past be the past. You haven't seen Kai since mid-March. Please, realize that it's no longer about you and us — Kai deserves to know my side of the family, too.
Back to our regularly scheduled programming — photos will be up soon after the party.
posted by wine daddy at
3:00 AM
3 Comments:
Happy Birthday to Kai!
I believe that you are the "still-refusing-to-accept-reality-children" Who will it take to remind you of yours and your mother's heritage? Yes---your Mom does not think that she has recieved the respect she deserves from your wife....think about how wives of the First Born Male in the family are treated in the world she grew up in.
Your Mom was afraid, this woman who had had a child with another ethnic person, not understanding and showing no respect to her, was thrown into her life. She had no say in this. Her first Grandchild, something Mothers dream about from the birth of their children, was born to this woman who was someone she did not understand. It is your job Jade to gently have the worlds meet. You need to explain to Erin of your Mothers and Father heritage. You need to understand the fear of your mother and turn it into love. Calling her names and screaming and blogging only hurt more. You talk of love so much on this blog. Let love lead you back to your parents and help you wife along the path. Your mother loves you and is so protective. I kid with her that we are just like Momma Bears at the cave with our claws out. You never stop being a mother nor a woman. You have hurt her. Do not assign blame.
You talk of reality, some believe reality is the pill they took in the Matrix, the life we lead is the program, which is a false reality. The true gift we have is choice. Choose to understand and create your world. You must "accept us as exactly as we are, and exactly as we are not."
Peace,
A Friend
Dear anonymous, you say that "she had no say in this." Well of course she didn't. Why would she? She's not the one married to my wife or raising my child. So, I don't think anyone gets a "say" in this except for me and Erin. And, I don't know how the wives of the first born males are treated in the world she grew up in. I didn't grow up there. I was born and raised here, so I have no knowledge of that part of the culture.
It's not about the blame. I haven't been perfect, but I have been consistent in inviting my parents to be part of my loving and accepting family. They have refused.
Jade,
If I were you, I would put aside your frustrations & opinions on this one, be the bigger person and just pick up the phone. It’s as simple as that. Sometimes in life, you have to do things that you don’t necessarily understand or agree with - especially if you want to salvage a relationship with people you care about, like your parents.
And you don’t have to understand their heritage to know that your elders – especially your hard working parents - should be treated with respect. What you should remember is that Mom and Dad came from a very different culture with different values and traditions. The generation gap between us and them is huge. I’m sure they were overwhelmed with your marriage into a broken family and the sudden arrival of a baby shortly thereafter. If you ask me, I think they handled it pretty well coming from a country where divorce or having children out of wedlock is frowned upon.
So try to understand where they are coming from and know that acceptance will take time, patience and kindness… cursing your mother and blogging your frustrations will only do more damage. Making both ends meet is going to take a lot more will rather than hoping and writing about it…
Good luck and Happy Birthday again to Kai!
Love,
Sis
p.s. I think you have their ‘refusal’ mixed up with something that happened between you and Mom…
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