the equation

Kai is starting to relent from his absolute infatuation with Erin. Not to say that the sight of me first thing in the morning doesn't send him running to momma, but it's not quite as quickly nowadays.

I read an op-ed in the Sentinel the other day about what's happening to our kids. The gist of the piece was what's happening to our kids is their parents. Or, the lack of parenting. And it's something I've noticed over the past two years of being a parent.

A lot of parents are just unconscious. They don't like the situation they're in, whether it's their kids' behavior, or whatever. But they don't change how they're being about it. But it's a simple equation. If A is the parenting, and B is the kids, then A plus B always equals result C. But if you change the A in the least, then the resulting C, must be different. So if you don't like the results you're getting in life or in parenting, you must change the way you're being, and the end result of the equation will be different.

Does that make sense? It seems like a simple concept to me, but perhaps I'm not explaining it well enough. Your comments are welcome.

On another note, we deposited our settlement check today. Of course, considering all 76 cents we had in the joint account, the bank put a hold on the deposit. And yet Erin and I are definitely looking forward to getting caught up and back to square one. We are finally starting to see the bubbles break the surface.

what I've learned

What I've learned...
by Kai's dad, wine distributor, father

- Appointments with new wine reps are just above rock-bottom on a restaurant manager's priority list.
- Your kids hear everything. Especially when you don't want them to.
- Summer is not a good time to be selling wine.
- It is, however, a good time to be drinking some.
- Mosquitoes will find the one centimeter on Kai's body that we did not slather with insect repellent and bite him. Repeatedly.
- And it seems, there is always that one spot that we missed.
- Having kids definitely changes everything. Especially mommy-and-daddy time.
- Toys may come and go, but Baby Einstein is forever.
- Unfortunately, a lot of restaurants don't take quality into consideration in their wine-purchasing decisions.
- Don't eat at those restaurants.
- If I see a wine on a restaurant list that I can find in a gas station, that restaurant manager is just not trying.
- Competing on price alone is not a game that is worth playing.
- The line between protecting your child from harm and allowing him or her to experience the world and all it has to offer is a wobbly tightrope over the chasm of regret.
- The first time your child wakes up and starts calling for you is sugary sweet.
- Fried chicken is the world's best food.
- Because it's crunchy, spicy, salty, savory and you can eat it with your hands. That's why.
- Fear is the first emotion you learn. Love was always there from the beginning. You don't have to learn love.

settlement

I'm heading to the law offices of Morgan & Morgan today to sign for my settlement from the car accident I was in back in January. The other guy's insurance company agreed to pay our demand, and this saga is drawing to a close. At least this phase of it, as I am still under subpoena as a witness for the criminal DUI trial. The photo above is from my pitiful camera phone immediately after the accident, and while its hard to see it was quite a hit I sustained. My back still aches to this day.

Unfortunately, nearly all of the money I'm about to receive is already spent catching up on debt. We've borrowed money from everyone who would willingly lend it, and they're all about to get paid back. But we'll be able to afford a nice dinner for Erin's birthday, which is coming up at the end of the month, and to throw a fun party for Kai's birthday. He's getting a basketball hoop from us, which is his current obsession when he's at the YMCA. Imagine that.

So while we won't benefit very much monetarily from this incident, I've definitely learned to appreciate our lives and focus on what we do have, which is our love and our family and our health. All the other stuff will work out somehow. And I didn't like that car that much anyways...

beach bound

Due to the ongoing saga of Isaac's completely disorganized AAU basketball team and their trip to Miami this weekend, we ended up having to drive him to Cocoa Beach to catch a ride one of his teammates at 7:30 this morning. Of course, the platinum lining to that dark cloud was that we were going to be near the beach. And it would be a shame to go all the way out there (especially with 4-dollar-a-gallon gas) and not have some fun.

The water was cooler, saltier and choppier than our last visit to the same beach, probably due to Hurricane Bertha far out in the Atlantic. The surfers were taking full advantage of the 5 to 6 foot swells, but Kai seemed to prefer to stay on the sand this time. We had a great time nonetheless. He could not stop talking about the ocean and the waves. It's so cute how once he gets excited about something he cannot stop talking about it.

Back to four-dollar gasoline... while it definitely hurts to pay so much for gas, especially with my new driving-centric career, I think that ultimately expensive gas will be good for us as a nation.

For far too long, I think we have been in a position of excess, not just in gas, and the proliferation of gas-guzzling behemoths is proof-positive of that. Our family is very conscious of our resources, and wasting any of them is not acceptable to us. For years gasoline was so cheap that it didn't matter that people's rolling living rooms only got 10 miles per gallon and were horribly inefficient. With the price of energy (gas) now skyrocketing, it will force people to conserve our natural resources, and begin to think about how efficient and effective we are being.

It definitely factored into our trip today. We could not afford to just drive Isaac an hour out to the beach and then drive back. We had to maximize our utilization of the energy we were about to burn.

And that's where the magic of staying present to our resources and how we use them lies. The oncoming recession combined with expensive energy may eventually force all of us to fully experience and maximize each and every situation, to "suck the marrow" out of each moment. No more wasted trips running mindless errands or driving around aimlessly. When both time AND energy are limited and valuable commodities, we will all be forced to shine a spotlight on the dark and dirty secrets of the wasteful ways of our past, and bring a new paradigm of consciousness, presence and conservation to our daily lives.

How's that for a platinum lining?

independence day

It's not completely unusual around here these days, but today I awoke to the sound of Kai crying. But this was a little different, somehow more intense. I heard Erin attend to him and attempt to soothe him. Then I heard the door open.

"Honey can you help me? Kai is bleeding and I can't tell where it's coming from."

I'm on my feet instantly.

There's blood in his mouth. We can't tell if it's from his gums, his tongue, teeth or what. We run into the kitchen where my heavy-duty Maglite is so I can get a better look at Kai's mouth. Somehow, he tripped and bumped his face in such a way that he has a cut right by the frenulum in his upper lip. It's the piece of tissue that connects his upper lip and his upper gum, right dead center up in that archway where you gums and lips meet. It's bleeding profusely. He's screaming. Profusely.

The bleeding did stop, and he did calm down. His mouth is still a bit sore, which is to be expected. We just chalk it up as a part of growing up, a rite of passage.

And yet, the sight of my own child's blood is unsettling. And it's the second time I've seen it in a week. Earlier he tripped while running around and got a bloody nose. Minor stuff, but disturbing to see nonetheless. It's cliché, but as a parent I try to find a balance between protecting my son from harm and yet allowing him to experience and learn from the world. Sometimes that means shrugging my shoulders when he eats popcorn off of the living room floor, and sometimes it means sitting at the end of the bleacher row so he doesn't dive off of the end. I know I can't protect him from everything, and that he is going to experience cuts and bruises, but that doesn't make it any easier.

I spent the afternoon doing basketball drills with Isaac, and then Grandma Marsha came over and we had a delicious family dinner. We watched "No Country for Old Men" — well, Isaac and I did. Erin fell asleep halfway through it. It was a very good movie, but I can't blame her for falling asleep. It was quite an Independence Day for mom and her youngest dependent.

beach day

Cocoa Beach today with Grandma Marsha, Lisa and her mother Alice. Kai played nonstop for over three hours. He definitely loves the ocean, and the waves. It's a shame that we don't get out to the beach more often. Although with gas prices as high as they are, I don't know if we can afford to make the trip any more often...

cobia

Many thanks to Dave for the just-caught cobia yesterday. Erin and I promptly seasoned two huge fillets with salt and pepper and grilled them up. They were exquisite. There's nothing like seafood that was literally swimming just hours earlier.

speak easy

I'm finally start to feel like I'm getting a grasp on my career as a wine representative. It's taken me two full months, but it seems like it's starting to happen. My client base is growing, and I'm developing some great relationships.

One of my accounts made it clear to me the other day that the only reason they paid attention to me is because some of my friends had put a good word in for me. To which I thought, that's exactly why I'll succeed. I have always had a knack for developing relationships, and I now have a lot of friends in this business. And if those friends want to help me succeed, well then that's help that I'll gladly accept.

I'm not making any money yet, but somehow we are surviving. eBay has been a true blessing - sometimes I'm amazed at what people will pay for some of my stuff. We're still probably only a few days away from total financial ruin at any given time, but we're moving in the right direction. Thanks to the kindness and selfless generosity of our family and friends, we have managed to keep food in the fridge, a roof over our heads, and our goals within reach.

Kai pretty much speaks in full sentences now. He tells us everything. When he's mad, when's he's excited, what he wants to do, what he wants to see, whatever is on his mind. Most of the time, it's intelligible to the average person. Compared to other kids his age, he is a very advanced communicator. Other kids may run faster, or be more agile, but he will definitely talk to them to death.

Kai has become a mosquito magnet. If there is a mosquito within a one-mile radius, it will find Kai and bite him repeatedly. He even calls them "mosquito boo-boo's." We're trying Burt's Bees Herbal Bug Repellent, which makes him smell like he bathed in lemongrass juice, so while he might not be appealing to a mosquito, he definitely makes my mouth water.