fear and love

They say that we are all born with two basic fears, the fear of loud noises and the fear of falling. Well, researchers have proven that babies do not fear falling until they understand spatial relationships. So falling is out. And since I’ve seen Kai sleep through a number of loud noises, I’ve concluded that babies are not born with any instilled fears. All fears are learned.

From what I can tell, Kai is either fascinated with something or he just doesn’t care about it. I’d say that babies are born with an innate sense of curiosity rather than any instinctual fear. So that got me to thinking, at what point do babies begin to fear things? Right now, if I showed Kai a mouse, he would probably try to grab it and put it in his mouth, whereas, there are plenty of adults who would become paralyzed and irrational with a mouse present. Or a cockroach. Spider. Whatever.

I’d say that babies, and all of us, learn all of our fears. That’s why we all have a different set of fears. Some of us fear heights. Small spaces. Wide open spaces. Water. Fire. People. Whatever. Even the fear of death isn’t universal. In my limited experience with Kai, something either works for him or doesn’t. I wish it could stay that simple.

I think that at some point, babies begin to understand cause and effect relationships, and then the thinking and rationalizing comes into play. That is probably where fears begin to develop. I realize that at some point, Kai will develop his own sense of fear. And please don’t get me wrong, fear is not all bad. Fear, for the most part, does keep us safe. But irrational, unreasonable, paralyzing fear is not healthy at all. So, as a father, I’m trying to figure out how to teach Kai that fine line.

Ironically enough, as I was writing this blog at 2am on Monday morning/Sunday night, I heard strange noises outside of my house. Something made the glass bottles in the recycling bins shift around audibly, which is not the typical behavior for raccoons, as far as I know. Ironically enough, my fears took over and I grabbed my trusty Mag-lite and called the police. I knew in my heart that it was probably nothing, yet if it was something, I did not need to get into that confrontation. When the Orlando police department officer arrived a few minutes later, he said he saw a huge opossum run away from the area in question, alleviating my fears of a dangerous assailant. I thought I handled the situation responsibly and rationally, allowing my fear to work for me rather than become me. What do you think?

Now returning back to my original stream of thought, I’m beginning to think that love is the only innate emotion. Newborn babies only love. They accept everything as it is. Everything else is learned. I guess ignorance really is bliss.